storms, we read about them, but many times they never touch us. That
was my case for about 26years. Then my mother was diagnosed with
cancer, we went through a long fight against the cancer, and then last
November 11th (2014), mommy broke through this human shell and
entered into the presence of God where she dances with Jesus, talks
to her brother Dana, and gets to see her daddy with a sound mind.
Now I want to give you some pointers in case you or someone you know ever
goes through a storm: First of all, do you know someone with cancer or
another terminal disease?
1.)When someone is going through something hard, don't treat
them any differently, treat them like normal.
2.)Please, don't use Christian cliches when talking to someone going through
something tough such as, “God will use this for His glory.” or “God is refining
you”. These become trite and very annoying.
3.)Remember, dependent on the depth of your relationship, there are certain
questions that you shouldn't ask...there may be times that information is
offered voluntarily. If you don't have a relationship with a person, don't just
ask them about the cancer/disease out of the blue...
4.) Never speak fear or doubt about the disease around the person who has
the disease in their body. Life must be spoken into them: give prayer, Bible
verses, or encouragement.
5.) If a rumor about the rough situation someone is going through ever
begins, ask someone closely involved to verify or annul it (such as
myself).
*Mom told me this one after I read her the original note, 6.) Tell her she's
beautiful (the person going though the rough stuff)*
Here's some pointers if you ever lose a loved one:
1.) If they have given their life to Christ, you know they are with Christ now.
So its not, “goodbye”, its “see you later”
2.) The Bible doesn't really share exactly what those in heaven can see of
us, but it does say, “we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses”, and
now this loved one is part of that cloud of witnesses. They can see what
you are up to...that should push you to do better...they are your 12 MAN!
3.) I know some people talk to their loved one...I know some people get
up in arms about talking to the dead...well, guess what, my mom's not dead,
shes the most alive she has ever been!! I can talk to her...sometimes I ask
Jesus to tell mommy that I miss her.
4.) Don't you dare just stay home and wallow in your grief. Get out there
and plug into a ministry where you can work through your experience. For
me, I was very involved with a local youth group (I was both their youth
leader and worship pastor). So I would take what I was going through at
home both when mommy was alive and after she passed and shared what
I was learning with the youth. My experience also made praise and worship
so much more real! I believe that depression comes through be
SELF-FOCUSED (as well as chemical imbalance, of course), and a
fulfilled-life comes through being OTHERS-FOCUSED.
5.) Be real with God! Its ok to tell Him you miss your loved one. Also,
when people know what you are going through and know you need
prayer be ready to get some amazing Supernatural Peace. Sometimes
I think to myself, wow, I am doing quite well for someone who just lost
their mom. But I think to myself, I do have people praying...and I am
sure mom talks to Jesus about me (I mean she would make sure to
introduce me to people everywhere we went, even If I met them 10
times!!). And after just a little, I'll get a reunion with her!
6.) Sometimes “religious” people will get on your nerves with all the
Christian cliches that they will say to you. When you get annoyed with
religiousness, stop, think back to when you hadn't gone through anything
that tough and ask yourself, “how did you react to others going through
loss”? You didn't know, you were at a loss too...you said cheesy cliches,
“God just got another angel”...”I guess God was just finished with her here”
...etc...but people do mean well.
7.) Talk to people who understand (no, this doesn't mean you understand
if you lost a pet...)...when I talk to someone who lost a parent, and they are
Christians, it really helps me to know that they really DO understand! They
know EXACTLY what I am going through!!! And things that helped them may
help me!!
8.) God's Word Is FULL of Words of Life and Comfort:
-1st of all, know that Jesus is with you always, through it all (Matt. 28:20)
-Psalm 30:5…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
-Psalm 34:18 The LORD is CLOSE to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 55:22 Cast (to throw out) your cares on the LORD and he will sustain
you; he will never let the righteous fall.
-Psalm 126:5-6 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who
goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
-Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
-Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His
arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
-Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when
you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk
through the fire,you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
-Isaiah 49:13 For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion
(caress lovingly or love) on his afflicted ones.
-Isaiah 61:1-3/Luke 4:16-18
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed
me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to BIND UP THE
BROKENHEARTED, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from
darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the
day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for
those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead
of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
**2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves
have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our
lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” I love these verses. As
I receive healing from what I've been through, I should pass the healing on to others!
“There is no pit so deep that He (God) is not deeper still” -Betsie Ten Boom,
said this to her sister Corrie Ten Boom in a concentration camp before she died
I know that what I went through and HOW I got through it may not be
EXACTLY what will help you. But I hope that what I write may either
help you get through a storm or give you some pointers on helping
someone else in a storm!!
Now in closing (this has been so true for me in this storm!!):
Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your
hearts and minds through Christ Jesus"
